That's been the daily discussion here at work over the last few weeks since the redundancy was first announced. Rumours swept through the office floors like a rebellious plaque. Everyone panicking, some already accepting defeat, paranoid ones watching the Manager's every move...oh yh! even Jude came in to work before 8 am!...every envelope in hand seemed as though it were a letter bomb. Like it was the end. For many it will be.
Mr A had suffered four redundancies in his career as a production Technician and has battled his way through chronic depression. "oh oh, I wonder what will happen now", I turn towards him as he lets off a rather heavy sigh. Without asking questions, I knew what it was. He had been uneasy for the past few days thinking about the possibility of getting laid off. I say to sweatpea "you'll be fine i'm sure you won't be leaving, you're a great person...bla bla bla". You know, the usual consolation theory when you pretend to be in their shoes and they look at you like "you got no clue mate!". Like you're a size 5 and he's like a size 11. No clue how it feels to have big feet.Yh that look.
Just a 21 year old Britgerian on work placement whose daddy pays for everything. I paused, trying to understand why life throws stones at such precious stones.
My Incomprehension-It hurt.
For Lad, my closest colleague at work. A recent graduate of Imperial College London, finished with a decent 2:1, Mech Eng (MENG). It was his first job out of uni, the start of his very bright career. Most times he fails to admit how intelligent and highly enterprising he is. While taking one of our many rushed lunch time walks, I remind him how much of a hotcake he is. He seems to ignore my compliments, panicking, thinking he might be one of the people leaving.
Brown, white, A4 A3...I've never seen a community hate envelopes as much as these lot! A few weeks ago, before this plaque, they were delighted whenever they got an envelope. Payslip!
Not this time, everyone's being careful...it could be the bomb.
I walk into the office this morning. "Morning" my voice ever so high, sounding moreso chirpy. There was a freeze breeze for a minute as everyone replied as if it were a chorus to a song of melancholy, one after the other "Morning Toyin".
That alone dampened my spirit...Chirpy? No way. I was wet.
8:15am...sat quietly at my desk, reaching out to my drawers to get my laptop and start the day. 'Ven walks in with 3 huge boxes of cakes. Oh I remember it's his 26th today. "Happy Birthday 'Ven"...this time i say it carefully much subtler than the morning wishes. Careful not to sound like the happy moron for the second time. He smiled and said "Thanks Tee" handing me a box to pick from...
As I munched away on my fresh cream cake...I couldn't but think about these lovely people. Ven's smile was deep yet brief. Probably 'cos he's thinking that tommorow may be really the last day for him here at B and W Engineering.
'Ven, ever so lovely, a young budding Engineer holding a Bachelors Degree, who started a family about 2 years ago...a very hot eastern european wife! when I say hot I mean HOT! Omalicha kind of chick and a very beautiful precious daughter. His look-alike...his offspring. (just had to use that word hehe)
He had complained a few times about how expensive she was. Everything beautiful has a cost yh?
For him tommorow may be his last day...funding his new family, new house, car and his Gecko may become more difficult.
Every envelope, every works council meeting...I dreaded. I was immune from the redundancy as a placement student. BUT. I was worried about the lives of these lovely people...what if ?
Ties being severed, bonds broken, friendships being inhibited by sudden dismissal...for these people it was more than just a place of work or a source of income. It was a place they shared jokes, secrets(which everyone knew an hour after lol) , basically a community. It was life.
Few weeks ago, before this plaque, people used to be so delighted to recieve envelopes (pay slips)..not anymore.
DANGER: Brown/white A4/A3 every envelope seemed like poison. Letter Bomb.
Sweat Pea! (as usual talking to himself in the kitchen whilst making himself a cuppa), this time having a converstaion with a lady friend (imaginary, at least I didn't see her) "Anna". The first time I caught him, he was pouring out some milk into his rusty-used-to-be-clean mug which read "#1 Dad".
As he poured the semi-skimmed milk, he muttered to himself (oh pardon me! to Anna) "Anna I don't want to have sex with you anymore".
'Ven walked past the kitchen and heard what Sweat Pea said. I walked into the office to a roaring cry of laughter including the Manager Mr R. He had broken the news to them as usual.
For me, I was deeply disturbed..it was beyond humor.
Sweat Pea had been struggling to recover after his excruciating divorce with his ex wife. She wasn't good to him. *sigh* Story for another day guys.
On his desk, beside a set of Vernier Calipers was a lone framed photo of his daughter. I'd like to call her Sweet Pea with long curly (rather dirty looking) ginger hair. Errm a rather odd looking teenager with such unfortunate dreadful striking resemblance of her father.
Whenever anyone chit-chatted about their family..he spoke of his look-alike offspring. It was all he had (She was*).
Over a month ago, my flatmate and I were victims of fraudulent house possession. In summary the lady pretended to be the owner of a flat and carted all our money away.
It took me one week to recover...thinking how this woman can dupe Nigerian girls like us. I mean the last time I checked, that crown was ours! lol
I was signed off work for a few days for stress related issues.( Yh right! I just needed time to sit down and plot evil for that woman and how to get our GBP back). Ole oshi. Multiplying each £ by 250 Nairas hurt more you know...darn these exchange rates need to chill yo! lol
Looking for a new place seemed harder than envisaged. Stayed with our friends...ever so supportive. <3 p="p">
Back at work, 'Ven offered to hunt the woman down and remove her guts then feed it to his Gecko. But then again how would that work, I mean how would he find her, hold her down (she's such a fattie bumbum) then take her guts out...plus "Paul" his lizard is vegetarian. Hard knock life *sigh*
Sweat Pea, walking up to me always making a rather worrying grunting sound, like a pig in a pleasurable state of mind. "uhhaiiinc". "That's life, you have to get over it, pick yourself up and keep breathing". Guess that had worked for him thus far.
For once I accepted my loss, for people who know me I hate to feel defeated and helpless. I hate to feel weak. I remember on the phone to my mum, I didn't show no emotions, "I'm fine mum" "I'll handle it" "I got this"...like I'm the man kind of thing.*insert cool smiley*. While beating my chest trying to impress the mother Flakkie with my machoness yana *wink*, my dad who knows me too well,takes the phone from her and I begin to weep like something more happened. Even the strong are weak sometimes Tito.
Even that didn't make me lose my manhood.
R. Kipling did say...
"If you can...lose and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they have gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them 'hold on'
then yours is the earth and everything in it
And- which is more-you'll be a man, my son."
(refer to one of my previous posts for the full poem or just google it and hang it up on your wall)...it's such a beautiful poem that makes battling through life much easier.
From that moment until this post I breathed absolutely nothing about my loss, got a new flat, moved in...unpacked, fitted everything in my room all by myself. Didn't sleep well trying to fit my wardrobe and chest of drawers. I didn't eat well because I hadn't bought pots or cutlery. Looked like a tramp to work cos I didn't iron my shirt. It was cold because we hadn't contacted the Eon energy company.
It was hard, painful and a very unecessary way to start the final year but ey as Sweat Pea'll say "that's life"
One last thing: Wait till its over...then you'll be stronger. Life brings us battles we seem to be too weak or ill-equipped to fight. Fight still.
These Good times and bad times...I shared with someone ever so supportive. yh yh yh your girl's smitten :D lol x
Love me,
Teetleskittles.
Shoot me down but I won't fall...I am Titaniummm.*voice cracks*
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