Titanium*

"I better clear my drawers"..."Oh have you heard..."..."I've been shortlisted for the pull"...."If I get a letter tommorow it'll be my 5th"...

That's been the daily discussion here at work over the last few weeks since the redundancy was first announced. Rumours swept through the office floors like a rebellious plaque. Everyone panicking, some already accepting defeat, paranoid ones watching the Manager's every move...oh yh! even Jude came in to work before 8 am!...every envelope in hand seemed as though it were a letter bomb. Like it was the end. For many it will be.

Mr A had suffered four redundancies in his career as a production Technician and has battled his way through chronic depression. "oh oh, I wonder what will happen now", I turn towards him as he lets off a rather heavy sigh. Without asking questions, I knew what it was. He had been uneasy for the past few days thinking about the possibility of getting laid off. I say to sweatpea "you'll be fine i'm sure you won't be leaving, you're a great person...bla bla bla". You know, the usual consolation theory when you pretend to be in their shoes and they look at you like "you got no clue mate!". Like you're a size 5 and he's like a size 11. No clue how it feels to have big feet.Yh that look.

Just a 21 year old Britgerian on work placement whose daddy pays for everything. I paused, trying to understand why life throws stones at such precious stones.

My Incomprehension-It hurt.

For Lad, my closest colleague at work. A recent graduate of Imperial College London, finished with a decent 2:1, Mech Eng (MENG). It was his first job out of uni, the start of his very bright career. Most times he fails to admit how intelligent and highly enterprising he is. While taking one of our many rushed lunch time walks, I remind him how much of a hotcake he is. He seems to ignore my compliments, panicking, thinking he might be one of the people leaving.

Brown, white, A4 A3...I've never seen a community hate envelopes as much as these lot! A few weeks ago, before this plaque, they were delighted whenever they got an envelope. Payslip!
Not this time, everyone's being careful...it could be the bomb.

I walk into the office this morning. "Morning" my voice ever so high, sounding moreso chirpy. There was a freeze breeze for a minute as everyone replied as if it were a chorus to a song of melancholy, one after the other "Morning Toyin".

That alone dampened my spirit...Chirpy? No way. I was wet.

8:15am...sat quietly at my desk, reaching out to my drawers to get my laptop and start the day. 'Ven walks in with 3 huge boxes of cakes. Oh I remember it's his 26th today. "Happy Birthday 'Ven"...this time i say it carefully much subtler than the morning wishes. Careful not to sound like the happy moron for the second time. He smiled and said "Thanks Tee" handing me a box to pick from...

As I munched away on my fresh cream cake...I couldn't but think about these lovely people. Ven's smile was deep yet brief. Probably 'cos he's thinking that tommorow may be really the last day for him here at B and W Engineering.

'Ven, ever so lovely, a young budding Engineer holding a Bachelors Degree, who started a family about 2 years ago...a very hot eastern european wife! when I say hot I mean HOT! Omalicha kind of chick and a very beautiful precious daughter. His look-alike...his offspring. (just had to use that word hehe)

He had complained a few times about how expensive she was. Everything beautiful has a cost yh?
For him tommorow may be his last day...funding his new family, new house, car and his Gecko may become more difficult.

Every envelope, every works council meeting...I dreaded. I was immune from the redundancy as a placement student. BUT. I was worried about the lives of these lovely people...what if ?

Ties being severed, bonds broken, friendships being inhibited by sudden dismissal...for these people it was more than just a place of work or a source of income. It was a place they shared jokes, secrets(which everyone knew an hour after lol) , basically a community. It was life.

Few weeks ago, before this plaque, people used to be so delighted to recieve envelopes (pay slips)..not anymore.

DANGER: Brown/white A4/A3 every envelope seemed like poison. Letter Bomb.

Sweat Pea! (as usual talking to himself in the kitchen whilst making himself a cuppa), this time having a converstaion with a lady friend (imaginary, at least I didn't see her) "Anna". The first time I caught him, he was pouring out some milk into his rusty-used-to-be-clean mug which read "#1 Dad".

As he poured the semi-skimmed milk, he muttered to himself (oh pardon me! to Anna) "Anna I don't want to have sex with you anymore".

'Ven walked past the kitchen and heard what Sweat Pea said. I walked into the office to a roaring cry of laughter including the Manager Mr R. He had broken the news to them as usual.

For me, I was deeply disturbed..it was beyond humor.

Sweat Pea had been struggling to recover after his excruciating divorce with his ex wife. She wasn't good to him. *sigh* Story for another day guys.

 On his desk, beside a set of Vernier Calipers was a lone framed photo of his daughter. I'd like to call her Sweet Pea with long curly (rather dirty looking) ginger hair. Errm a rather odd looking teenager with such unfortunate dreadful striking resemblance of her father.

Whenever anyone chit-chatted about their family..he spoke of his look-alike offspring. It was all he had (She was*).

 Over a month ago, my flatmate and I were victims of fraudulent house possession. In summary the lady pretended to be the owner of a flat and carted all our money away.
It took me one week to recover...thinking how this woman can dupe Nigerian girls like us. I mean the last time I checked, that crown was ours! lol

I was signed off work for a few days for stress related issues.( Yh right! I just needed time to sit down and plot evil for that woman and how to get our GBP back). Ole oshi. Multiplying each £ by 250 Nairas hurt more you know...darn these exchange rates need to chill yo! lol

Looking for a new place seemed harder than envisaged. Stayed with our friends...ever so supportive. <3 p="p">
Back at work, 'Ven offered to hunt the woman down and remove her guts then feed it to his Gecko. But then again how would that work, I mean how would he find her, hold her down (she's such a fattie bumbum) then take her guts out...plus "Paul" his lizard is vegetarian. Hard knock life *sigh*

Sweat Pea, walking up to me always making a rather worrying grunting sound, like a pig in a pleasurable state of mind. "uhhaiiinc". "That's life, you have to get over it, pick yourself up and keep breathing". Guess that had worked for him thus far.

For once I accepted my loss, for people who know me I hate to feel defeated and helpless. I hate to feel weak. I remember on the phone to my mum, I didn't show no emotions, "I'm fine mum" "I'll handle it" "I got this"...like I'm the man kind of thing.*insert cool smiley*. While beating my chest trying to impress the mother Flakkie with my machoness yana *wink*, my dad who knows me too well,takes the phone from her and I begin to weep like something more happened. Even the strong are weak sometimes Tito.

Even that didn't make me lose my manhood.

R. Kipling did say...
"If you can...lose and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they have gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them 'hold on'
then yours is the earth and everything in it
And- which is more-you'll be a man, my son."

(refer to one of my previous posts for the full poem or just google it and hang it up on your wall)...it's such a beautiful poem that makes battling through life much easier.

From that moment until this post I breathed absolutely nothing about my loss, got a new flat, moved in...unpacked, fitted everything in my room all by myself. Didn't sleep well trying to fit my wardrobe and chest of drawers. I didn't eat well because I hadn't bought pots or cutlery. Looked like a tramp to work cos I didn't iron my shirt. It was cold because we hadn't contacted the Eon energy company.

It was hard, painful and a very unecessary way to start the final year but ey as Sweat Pea'll say "that's life"

One last thing: Wait till its over...then you'll be stronger. Life brings us battles we seem to be too weak or ill-equipped to fight. Fight still.

These Good times and bad times...I shared with someone ever so supportive. yh yh yh your girl's smitten :D lol x

Love me,
Teetleskittles.

Shoot me down but I won't fall...I am Titaniummm.*voice cracks*

...In strange places

Hi Guys
Been a hot second. So many things going on around me...Hav'nt had a minute to exhale until recently. Took the week off my summer internship for my Nans funeral.

...she battled through life, give her a reason to fight and she'll battle it out with the last breath in her. She was stronger than strength.

For me she's been there all her life, my first memories was being in her daycare "Grannys Daycare" in Ibadan. She watched me grow into the woman I have tried to become...desperately soo many times that I result to being a girl *mutters*.

Went to London on Mothers day to see her and my mum...that was the last time I saw her. Thinking back now, I wish she had hinted it would be the last time so I could have just moved my things and camped with her ...maybe she'd have realised how much I loved her and she won't have decided to go. *shrugs*

Sunday the 17th, happened to be Father's day too...she passed away unto greater glory. In her early eighties you'd mistake her for a 21 year old. She was eloquent, beautiful, exceptionally clean and well mannered. Her life growing up in the old English days made these traits ever so evident in her person.
She always spoke to us about the colony, about the black people in England in the 50's and all the lot!

Growing up, we used to ring her every thursday night when the flintstones was showing on Cartoon Network. How she loved it! lol
Getting back from the shops with my friend Demi, and Nan goes "Have you heard this new Beyonce's song ermmm"  (she starts humming off key), it was the single ladies guys. LOL! She knew the latest songs and music videos before anyone else. My friends called her "cool". I think she was AWESOME!

She was a Nan and a half...never for once made you feel sorry for her even in times when she was going through a lot of excruciating pain. She'd cheer you up then quietly moan about the angered pain.

Until she passed away she always said "Tito buru but she's a sweet girl, o jo mi gan". Meaning, Tito is harsh but she's a sweet girl, just like me.
 I never agreed that I was like her in anyway but I would do anything to be half the strong independent woman she was.
Sunday evenings won't be the same anymore...watching songs of praise on BBC. I know you're in a place where the praises reach anyways, that's my joy.


As we all prepare for her funeral this weekend, I'm more than content that my Nan Abike, lived well. Her life was dignified and sanctified...her life was precious and very well fulfilled.

Asides, trying to put a few things together for my Nans funeral, I have been through ermm a very interesting 3 weeks of my life.  YOLO lifestyle my darlings, *shakes head* its not for the faint hearted. LOL

I have learnt more than I learnt in the first 6 months of this year, in 3 weeks. Sometimes you find yourself in strange places...even in these unfamiliar territories, please don't lose yourself.
It is so easy to let yourself go and lower standards for reasons you yourself don't know...trying to change who you are will be wasted effort. Just like you'll always see the same relfection when you look into the mirror (asides bad hair days yh).

You can never change who you are, you can try. But please just be yourself.

Down with the flu, looks like a very long night. Just another brief post to let you guys know whats been happening on my side of the world.

ONE LAST THING: Be yourself. Don't care if you're set aside, the alienation will make sense one day.

love me,
Teetleskittles.

Don't look too good, nor talk too wise *

Morning lovers!

Rushing out to work and I just had to share with you one of my favourite poems. Lately, I've understood a lot of things and eventually linked it to this masterpiece by Kipling.

IF--is a beautiful beautiful poetry about life, I always make reference to it. Like everytime!

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


Gotta run.
Please have a great day!
Yours'
Teetleskittles.

April's Joy

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii guyssssssssssssssssssssss! (not that excited in real life...believe me)


Relieved...absolutely. Exams are over, to those still at it..ermmm sucks to be u! :p
 All the best...slave at it and you'll enjoy the outcome.

The last Month has been one hectic roller coaster...started off high, fun, fun, then went downhill with exam fever...coursework deadlines to meet! tears sweat and more sweat...Anti-Climax!

 For some of us, exams aren't exactly our cuppa...stress spots, moodswings, paranoia, insomnia...name the symptoms your girl had it all! I am relieved indeed...Ecstatic is what I'm waiting to be when the results are out...By God's grace.

Well...this post is to tell you about things that have happened over the last month and also to keep you abreast of things happening. (Please pretend to be interested)*pouts*

You know you wanna know! cammmaaan !

 *drum roll*

Highlight of my Spring break, going away on holiday for 10 beautiful days with the love of my life, my hero, my inspiration, my best friend who happens to be my father.

 It was a different kind of trip really...started off from Heathrow to New york to Cincinnati to North Carolina to Atlanta back to Cincinnati then JFK and back home to London town.

Phewwwwwwwww...

It was one of the best experiences for me, I had my pen and my diary making notes of all the beautiful moments I spent away, visiting loved ones and my dad's friends who have indeed become family <3


 My dad had a book reading in Atlanta...I was his secretary ensuring the books were sold with the help of my friends. Went well :)

Everywhere I went, I wrote. I wrote without a pen, my mind wrote, endlessly...certain things I experienced were just too ineffable for the moment. But, I knew I had to find words to share. To share, how life teaches everything we know vis a vis or subliminally.

I made sure I'd share my experience when I got back (after my exams ofcourse).


















 How one can live and learn things you've lived, so you can re-live how it should be lived.
 Sounds absurd ey...over and over again, we can't stop learning, picking up seeds as we go through. As we fill our barns, we realise how far we have come. Cliche. Intrinsically true.

Sometimes we avoid the reality of the nightmares we've had, embrace the myth of the dreams we dreamed.
 Life has many doors, we own one key.
We are invited in through her own door.

We want things we have lost. We lose things we eventually need. Things, people...all the same. Things.

 Road trip while I was away! Featuring: my daddy (co-driver) his friend Uncle H (driver) Me (passenger)


As the roads left behind dissapear and we reach a new state, I am reminded that life moves fast and sometimes people who mean soo much dissapear.

 Not the case here, my dad and Uncle H have been friends for decades. I was assured that life is precious when you have a friend.

The trio, (dad, Uncle H) and Uncle C who we were going to visit in Atlanta have been friends for soo many years...friends who knew each other before they were made.

Yes, these friends are MADE, by God's grace. Now that they are on the shelves, they remind each other of the struggles as well as the good times they shared through life's journey, thus far. The very very frequent chuckle, made me smile. These men crack themselves up till they are overthrown with laughter. They have ridiculous nicknames for each other. I can't explain why this got to me very much. Maybe I'm just a helpless emosh creep...or maybe YOU understand my...ermmm my joy! Re-assuring that friendship is not lost, it is renewed.

They never ever knew Wale will have four daughters, they never imagined his last born would be here. No one thought of me, Olutoyin. The only Olutoyin they knew was my dad.

 They never thought of a child like me...all they knew was that they'll hopefully build families. A Family they'll be proud of.

 Ergonomics differ...Demographics even more, largely.

They all lived soo far apart, nourishing this bond with countless 'hilarious' (yawnnss) e-mails, calls and laughs.

BY THE WAY!!!!

Argghhh... Men! they don't show emotions.

At the airport, My dad saw his friend, hadn't in a couple of years...He probably wanted to jump into his arms and give uncle a big cuddle. But, it was a brief 'manly'(if u like) hug with a number of pats on their backs... It was brief but ofcourse ditsy Tito read meanings to it, yet again.

That hug spoke...said a million words. I translated it...outburst of joy really. Manly joy is boring *yawns*

 Girls on the other hand will scream and jump and shout and cry and whisper...100000000 emotions in one.

Gotta love us girlies!

 I was glad because my dad had finally realised he needed a break...to chill, no work, no Nigeria or Nigerians...no chaos. I was happy.

Even happier because he was happy. I had just turned 21 and it was a few days to his 56th birthday. mine March, his April.

*sigh*... Well... I got back and battled it with my deadlines and Exams...I GOTTA get this degree!

 Work placement still on..started my summer placement and It is going very well at the moment.

Ermmmm what else have you missed out on?....ermmmm Maybe...just MAYBE, I've been smitten...slightly lol. He won't need a formal introduction ...all of you who know how I get, yea Public Display of Affection and all that.
 He's cool.
Don't worry about me too much...i'm not wearing it on my sleeves. (YET!) lool
 xoxo
 I'm going to get ready for bed now lovers.

At some point in my life, I want to go away with my daughter and my friend...reminding ourselves that we'll be friends forever. No vows, no promises...Just love, real love.

 ONE LAST THING: Make sure you hold on to friends who make you, who YOU are...love you for who YOU are and look forward to loving YOU even more, regardless of distance, space or time. Classical theism. Timeless.

  Love me, 
Teetleskittles.

Scared of Beautiful...x

Come close or Stray afar...

Hi lovers!

I've been swamped with work and life! Not even a min to let you know how things have been...(Missed u too)!

Just a quick update on things I havnt blogged about. Combining my work Placement and uni hasnt been very easy as some of you know. I have become a "bad friend" cos I don't call (cos i'm working) and I don't return calls (cos im trying to sleep).

Well...I dream about sleep! That's how it gets sometimes...#Cray!




Forgive me!x

My birthday was a few days ago...Had soo much fun although I didn't do anything spectacular, just a few friends (more friends of friends of friends) lol!

Thanks P10 hunnies for hosting <3

My friends got married last weekend too...It was fun! one more bridesmaid dress hangs in my wardrobe! lol...i'll probably make it to 50+ dresses at this rate. x

"No wonder why, there are no mirrors on these walls no more...Scared of beautiful"

My friend was wondering...

You know how some people assume being "liked" by many (males) is a good thing and its flattering?...

uh-hun!

It is a problem. Who is real and who isn't? That's why somegirls just stay on the fence because they are scared. How possible is it for all those guys to like you...for reasons they can't even give!

Please pray for her or she'll be #foreveralone ! lol

Lately, somethings have happened that have made me realise why it is important to keep them close or let them go, far away!

Living a simple life is the best kind of life to live...no shafts, no frenemies, nothing...just you and those you love. Not everyone likes you really, they want to come close then spite you.




If you take something away from this oh-so-all-over-the-place post, just know that the fewer the better...then you'll know who is real.

...Too many mediocre things in life, friendship shouldn't be one! No sinking! (hahahahaha did you get my joke?!)

FriendSHIP...sinking?

Ok Tito, get over yourself!

Moving onnnn....

As this post is all over the place yh, let's talk about karma...

Over a year ago, someone she didnt know went all out on twitter and mentioned her name, for reasons you don't even want to know...this is no subliminal guys, but yh this girl (sorry woman) went all out! for no reason...nothing to do with her...months later, Karma showed up , yup...in a painful way too.

Be careful guys, we are young and we don't realise the things we do can come back on us... do not go out of your way to hurt people, because in any way, form or means you'll be hurt too!

Don't make anyone your life...I don't rejoice with, Its just an awakening. A constant reminder to be mindful of things you say or do.

Keep them close or please just let them go....far!

Have a great weekend guys! Mine starts today...going to see the Mother :D

Love me
Teetleskittles
xx

Hello Fattie!

Hi lovers!
Happy New yearr!!!
I had an amazing holiday in hot hot hot Nigeria! Glad to be back with my sun-kissed skin!

Hope u had a great Christmas, I sure did yo!

Christmas day bombings...Boko Haram...Fuel Subsidy removal...even with all these its still a beautiful country, Nigeria.

My heart goes out to all who lost their lives and to their families...only God comforts best! <3

It was good to see the family, believe me despite all the arguments and cat fights, there's no greater love :)

I blogged about nominations for my Christmas charity, however, I got no response...none none none at all. Its either no ones reading my blog...or you're just sick of all my banter...Please love me tho (this is serious, begging for it too Tito, sad sad rat)

I was too busy having fun that I didn't remember to select my Christmas Charity...Wrong!!! See them, judging me already...why so quick to judge yo?!
Well...on a flight from Abuja to Lagos, I stumbled on an envelope requesting for donations for a Charity called "Sri Sai Vandana Foundation".

"Dana Group founded Sri Sai Vandana Foundation for Rural and Community Development, in 1995, for the enhancement and development of rural populace in Nigeria through her programmes of integration and uplifting of lives of the less privilege in the society"

I will be following this Charity up very soon...and I'm sure all the donations got to these people at Christmas :)

So yh, beautiful people! It is 2012...wow.

Loads of people have New year resolutions (which they never keep)...well I don't. I'm just going to relax more this year, write more (sorry lol)...Live well and Love even more ;)!

I pigged out like omd! Ate 10 meals a day on average...boy! Thank God Christmas is only once a year!

This post is all over the place...have soo much on my mind, Assignment hand-in dates staring at me on my wall!

Guess what...I cut my hair! yup yup! cut it down to the re-growth...#TeamNaturalHair...not liking it much because I can't rock it as well as some beautiful girls!








I'll be doing a diary as it grows...to see how slow(oh no :( ) and how healthy my hair will grow back :)


ONE LAST THING: Be Happy. Strive to be Happy.

Lots and lots of fruity kisses
Yours,
Teetleskittles

love me x